Wonkey News

Driver warned of jail's sexual gorillas

2009-01-09T10:50:00.003-05:00

SYDNEY (Reuters) – An Australian court has issued a blunt warning about the sexual predators a young driver faces in jail if he does not stop speeding, as authorities struggle to stop teenagers street racing.

"You'll find big, ugly, hairy strong men (in jail) who've got faces only a mother could love that will pay a lot of attention to you -- and your anatomy," said Magistrate Brian Maloney.

The 19-year-old male appeared in Sydney's Downing Center Court on Monday charged with driving without a license, failing to stop at a police alcohol check point and driving dangerously.

It was his third time before the courts for driving offenses, prompting the magistrate's warning he would be jailed next time.

Maloney barred the teenager from driving until 2013, placed him on a 12-month good behavior bond and ordered him to do 150 hours of community work.

Breaching any of these conditions would see the teenager jailed where he would "shower with the gorillas in the mist down at Long Bay jail," said Maloney, his comments confirmed by the court on Tuesday.

"Out of control" was the front page headline in Sydney's The Daily Telegraph newspaper on Tuesday for a story on four teenagers either booked for street racing, speeding, driving without a license or crashing their car and killing a passenger.

The newspaper's editorial backed the magistrate's warning of life behind bars, saying his comments were "a vision in clarity" and gave the teenager "a reality check of his future."

I dont know about you, but I want to hang out with this judge! LMAO

Mexican warlock predicts US troops on border

2009-01-03T22:25:00.003-05:00

MEXICO CITY – Mexico's self-proclaimed "Grand Warlock" says the United States will pull troops out of Iraq in 2009 and send them to the border with Mexico in an attempt to expand its territory. The prediction from Antonio Vazquez comes with a word of warning though: his record of projecting the future is spotty at best.

Vazquez has been making predictions since 1980 on events ranging from international events to the private lives of celebrities, based on his reading of tarot cards. Vazquez erroneously predicted last year that oil prices would be stable and that Cuba's Fidel Castro and singer Britney Spears would die. This year, he says Spears will continue to triumph.

OK, so here's the deal.... I thought I might elaborate on the irritating question I know I had when I read this story, "What exactly are warlocks?"

Warlocks (pron. [war-lock] or [omg-gtfo]) were invented in 2003 by Blizzard to make up a new private army to take over the world (of Warcraft), because his incumbent army, the angels, had gone soft. The word Warlock is made up of the English words war meaning “to kill stuff” and lock meaning “no way out”. Therefore, if you are approached by a Warlock, they will kill you and there will be no way out of it.

Warlocks are typically solitary creatures. Though they are often surrounded by minions, they are not used for companionship. Occasionally, Warlocks will gather for conventions to discuss their progress on World Domination. These conventions usually result in food and blood stains on the walls, floors and ceilings from sacrifices and food fights.

After figuring out exactly what a Warlock is, I have determined that I am damn jealous of this freakish, troll looking fool! I wanna be a Warlock Dammit!!

'Hello 911? I'm driving drunk'

2009-01-02T22:53:00.005-05:00

BISMARCK, N.D. – Police get calls about drunken drivers all the time, but rarely do they come from the alleged offender. A 17-year-old girl in Bismarck called 911 on New Year's Eve "to report herself driving under the influence," police Lt. Randy Ziegler said. "I've never heard of such a thing happening, and neither has anyone here."
The girl told authorities her location shortly before midnight Wednesday and officers found her in a parked car near downtown, Ziegler said. She failed a sobriety test and was arrested for failing to have control of her vehicle while intoxicated.
The girl, whose name was not released because of her age, was not cited for drunken driving, Ziegler said.
"Her keys were in her purse and she was parked," Ziegler said. "She did tell us that she had been driving around for hours."
The call probably was a plea for help, he said.
"She told us her life was spiraling out of control, and she had spent the majority of time drinking over the past two weeks," Ziegler said.
The girl was released to her parents Thursday.

Pierced 'gothic kittens' marketed on Web

2008-12-18T21:02:00.003-05:00

This is sick and twisted *makes me mad* but makes me *laugh my ass off* at the same time. Sorry animal rights folks, no offense intended but this shit is pretty funny to visualize!
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. – Humane officers say a Pennsylvania woman marketed "gothic kittens" with ear, neck and tail piercings over the Internet. Officers with the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals removed three kittens and a cat Wednesday from a home outside Wilkes-Barre, about 20 miles southwest of Scranton.

Officer Carol Morrison says the society got a tip that the Ross Township woman was selling the pierced kittens on the Internet.

She says, "It's unbelievable anybody would do this to kittens."

Charges are likely against the homeowner, whose name was not released.

Morrison says the woman has a pet grooming business in the basement of her home.

Fast-food worker laughs, tells robber to get a job

2008-12-17T20:29:00.002-05:00

SAN ANTONIO – A San Antonio fast-food restaurant cashier laughed at a robbery suspect and told him to get a job if he wanted money during a failed holdup on Tuesday evening.

Police said the suspect approached the worker and demanded money, but the cashier laughed and apparently didn't realize the man was trying to hold up the place.

The suspect then allegedly pulled out a box cutter and demanded the cashier's wallet. The employee complied, but had no money in his billfold.

The suspect fled, but was caught by police who responded to the robbery call.

San Antonio police said the suspect is expected to be charged with aggravated robbery.

Nagging wife, sausage help man win $4.2M lottery

2008-12-09T15:08:00.002-05:00

WELLINGTON, New Zealand – A "nagging" wife who pushed her husband to buy a lottery ticket helped scoop the $4.2 million ($7.7 million New Zealand dollar) first prize — with only minutes to spare. The man from New Zealand's biggest city, Auckland, bought his ticket just two minutes before ticket sales closed Saturday night.
"My wife had been nagging me all week to get a ticket, so I when saw the Lotto sign ... I sprinted in to get the ticket before they closed," said the man, who asked not to be identified — normal practice among lottery winners in New Zealand .
"I must have been their last customer of the night," he said, adding that the young married couple had had a "rough" couple of years, reduced to one income after having children.
"I have never been so glad to listen to my wife's nagging," the man said Tuesday.
He discovered their newly won fortune Sunday thanks to his wife's request for a barbecued sausage.
Out shopping for bargains, the man said he didn't have enough money to buy his wife the sausage she'd asked him for. So he decided to check his Saturday lottery ticket in case he'd won a small prize.
"I could not believe it when they said I was actually the big winner," he said.
When he showed the printout to his wife, she initially thought they had won $4,200 (NZ$7,700).
"When she realized how much it really was, she fell to the floor, and then said: 'but all I wanted was a sausage.'"

Man allegedly assaults girlfriend with burger

2008-12-04T19:55:00.004-05:00

VERO BEACH, Fla. – A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. An Indian River County Sheriff's Office arrest report said a 22-year-old man and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.

The report said the man would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face. The pair got out of the car, and authorities say the man again took the McDonald's sandwich and put it on her face.

The man was released on $1,000 bond Wednesday.

I have to admit something people. I have assaulted my ex with a cheesburger before. It was actually a bag of cheeseburgers. Who knew a bag of cheeseburgers could give someone a bloody nose. LOL!! He said something he shouldnt have ever said to a woman, he said "You are just like your mother!" Big Big mistake!

Man says God ordered him to ram vehicle at 100 mph

2008-12-01T23:45:00.003-05:00

SAN ANTONIO – A man who rammed his truck into a woman's vehicle on a highway early Friday told authorities he crashed into her while going more than 100 mph because God told him "she needed to be taken off the road."

The truck rear-ended the car on U.S. Highway 281, both vehicles spun across a median then came to a stop along a barrier in the opposite lanes. Both drivers suffered only minor injuries.

"He just said God said she wasn't driving right, and she needed to be taken off the road," Bexar County Sheriff's Office spokesman Kyle Coleman said in the online edition of the San Antonio Express-News. "God must have been with them, 'cause any other time, the severity of this crash, it would have been a fatal."

The pickup driver did not tell police how the woman was driving. Police could not find alcohol or drugs in either driver.

A psychiatric evaluation has been ordered for a man.

This sounds like a friend of mine. He was always trying to get me to go to his stupid church. I never went. In fact the other night I cussed this asshole out for trying to force me into doing something I would rather sleep through. Holy shit, I think I might need to make a phone call to see if he is ok! Wack Job!!

Ill. zoo creates ornaments from reindeer droppings

2008-11-28T16:19:00.002-05:00

BLOOMINGTON, Ill. – The Christmas ornaments for sale at the Miller Park Zoo's gift shop are partly manufactured by reindeer. Honest!

Staffers make decorations out of droppings from the zoo's two reindeer, Ealu and Rika. The droppings are dried, then clear-coated and either painted or rolled in glitter.

Zoo marketing director Susie Ohley has named the products "magical reindeer gem ornaments," and each comes with a label of authenticity. They cost $5 at the zoo gift shop.

Staffer Katie Buydos, who makes jewelry as a hobby, donated wire and beads, saying, "Susie asked me to bring some creativity to the table."

Some folks are surprised at the size of the "gems," which are only about as big as marbles. "Reindeer are so big," zoo maintenance worker Sheldon Williams said. But the droppings are "just a big pile of small."

Accused drunk driver ends up running over himself

2008-11-25T21:56:00.003-05:00

SANTA FE, N.M. – A 21-year-old man was accused of driving drunk and leading police on a chase that finally ended with him running over himself. The man was treated for minor injuries at a Santa Fe hospital and booked in to the Sandoval County detention center on charges of aggravated driving while intoxicated, fleeing a police officer, careless driving and two other outstanding traffic warrants.

A tip to the state's DrunkBuster hot line Sunday afternoon alerted authorities to a possibly drunken driver.

State Police Officer Grace Romero spotted the man's pickup truck swerving across both lanes of a highway, driving slowly and then fast. He refused to stop.

After narrowly missing other vehicles, police said the suspect drove through a ditch and a barbed-wire fence before stopping. He tried to put the truck into park, but it ended up in reverse.

Police said the man fell from his open door and both of his legs were run over by the front driver's side tire.

Can you say DUMB ASS? LMAO!!

We seek snitches, Albuquerque police want ad says

2008-11-24T08:21:00.002-05:00

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. – The Albuquerque Police Department has turned to the want ads for snitches.

An ad this week in the alternative newspaper The Alibi asks "people who hang out with crooks" to do part-time work for the police.

It reads in part: "Make some extra cash! Drug use and criminal record OK."

Capt. Joe Hudson says police received more than 30 responses in two days. He says one tip was a "big one" but wouldn't elaborate.

An informant whose tip helps officers arrest a drug dealer could earn $50. A tip about a murder suspect could bring up to $700.

It's not the first time department has run ads. In a program 10 years ago, police received so many calls they turned the phones off.

SNITCHES GET STITCHES!!

Suspect arrested for greasy imprints in Neb. town

2008-11-21T23:30:00.002-05:00

OMAHA, Neb. – Police have arrested a man suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints on the windows of stores, churches and schools in a small Nebraska town. A 35-year-old man was caught in the act by police early Wednesday morning, Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said Friday. The man hasn't been charged yet, but authorities believe he is the vandal some townsfolk have dubbed the "Butt Bandit."

Beginning in spring of 2007, a mystery vandal visited businesses at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly, and while police had earlier worried copycat criminals were getting involved, Scott said they now believe it's "the act of a lone deviant."

"This isn't normal behavior for Valentine, Neb.," Scott said. "It's an embarrassment for the hardworking people who live here."

The man was spotted by police about 3:30 a.m. Wednesday and arrested without incident, Scott said. The suspect appears to be the same man caught on a surveillance camera at the middle school last year, he said.

Valentine, a town of about 2,650 in remote north-central Nebraska, lies near the scenic Niobrara River. The city was named one of the top "wilderness" towns in the country last year by National Geographic Adventure magazine.

People from around the country send Valentine's Day cards to the city's post office so they can be mailed out with the word "Valentine" stamped on them.

The past two summers, the bandit struck business after business, window after window.

He stopped over the fall and winter.

During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the windows at a local hotel were imprinted.

This is frickin hilarious! Sounds like something my husband would do. LMAO

Irate man wields bat to liberate his lost cat

2008-11-20T07:10:00.002-05:00

DALLAS – Police are looking for an irate pet lover so intent on liberating his lost cat that he wielded a bat to fend off animal shelter employees. Dallas Animal Shelter manager Kent Robertson said the man found his missing gray and blue short-haired cat at the shelter, where it had been brought by someone who thought it was a stray.

He blew his stack when told he had to pay a $132 fee to take his cat.

Police say the man returned Monday, loaded his cat into a carrier without paying the fee, and threatened the staff with the baseball bat. No one was injured.

Most people thank shelter workers. Says Robertson: "This was pretty extreme."

The man could be charged with aggravated robbery and aggravated assault.

Police Senior Cpl. Kevin Janse says police have a clue — the man signed the shelter guest book before fleeing.

Iowa magician, hand model sues over snipped finger

2008-11-18T09:16:00.006-05:00

DES MOINES, Iowa – A hand model, magician and actor blames a Martha Stewart-branded lounge chair for snipping off a bit of his livelihood.

In a lawsuit filed Monday against Kmart Corp. and Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Patrick Albanese said he was moving the Martha Stewart Everyday lounge chair on a deck in June when the front tubular legs collapsed, crushing his right index finger between one of the chair legs and a tubular bar on the base of the chair.

The lawsuit said the fingertip fell beneath the deck but was later retrieved by a relative. Albanese's attorney, Guy Cook, said the finger tip was reattached by a surgeon.

Albanese, of the Des Moines suburb of Clive, is seeking compensation for past and future medical expenses, physical and mental pain and suffering, permanent partial disfigurement and loss of earning capacity.

The lawsuit, filed in Polk County District Court, claims that Kmart and Martha Stewart Living were negligent in failing to issue a warning that the chair was defective, for failing to inspect the chair and in improperly designing the chair. It also claims the lounge chair was not sellable because it was defective.

Representatives for Kmart and Martha Stewart Living declined to comment.

Cook said that while the injury has not ended Albanese's work as a hand model, it has affected it while he has been recovering. Cook said the injury has had a bigger impact on Albenese's work as a magician.

Albanese, who served as the master of ceremonies for Hollywood's Magic Castle for 15 years, has some sensation in the fingertip but has decreased function, Cook said.

"He's a very accomplished musician and as part of his work, he does various slight-of-hand tricks," Cook said.

Cook said it's also affected Albanese's ability to play the banjo, which he does as part of his act.

OK, This is ridiculous! How is this Martha's fault? This guy is just pissed because he may now have to go find a real job. He just wants to make some fast cash from Martha. If he is such an accomplished hand model/magician/musician then what the hell is doing buying shit from K Marts? For God sake dude, put a finger puppet on and carry on!

Boy allegedly hits mom with saw, offers her $5

2008-11-15T18:26:00.002-05:00

FORT PIERCE, Fla. – Authorities say an 11-year-old boy hit his mother in the head with a saw and then offered her $5 not to call police. The St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office reported that the boy and his 41-year-old mother got into an argument Wednesday when she was trying to get him to take his medication.

The boy left and went to another home, where he began hitting a tree with a saw. When the mother finally caught up with the boy, authorities say he hit her in the head with the saw, causing a minor laceration. A sheriff's report said that's when the boy began pleading with his mother not to call police and offered her a $5 bill.

The boy is facing an aggravated battery charge.

I am not an advocate of child abuse but if my kid did something like this to me I would have been beatin his ass all the way up that tree.

Toppled Portable Toilet Flushes Out Theft Suspect

2008-11-14T07:22:00.002-05:00

TAMPA - James Conroy tipped over about four portable toilets at a construction site, trying to catch a man he thought had hidden in one after breaking into a truck. Conroy's hunch was right – suspect Lorenzo Earl Knight, 22, jumped out of one of the toilets after Conroy tipped it Saturday afternoon near International Mall.

"He was covered in crap, I can tell you that much," Conroy said today. "It was hilarious."

Police said Knight broke into two vehicles in the mall parking lot, taking a digital camera and an owner's manual. He had just jimmied the door of one when its owner spotted him, the police report said. Knight took off, leaving behind a shoe and the screwdriver he used to break into the trucks, police said. Conroy and another person chased Knight into a construction site, police said.

"I run a towing company in South Carolina, and we've had a lot of problems with thieves in the past, and I hold a big grudge against them," Conroy said. "I saw [Knight], and I wouldn't let him get away." Conroy and another person heard a portable toilet's door shut at the site. They started tipping the toilets, trying to cover Knight in muck. Conroy said he didn't give thought to the possibility that construction worker might be inside one.

"I'm just glad there wasn't," he said.

Knight ran from the toilet and tried getting into a cab, but his attempt to escape failed, Conroy said. After being stopped by police, Knight was hosed off and given another set of clothes, a police report states. Officers later found Knight's black shirt on the ground "covered in feces."

Knight was charged with two counts of burglary of a vehicle and one charge of grand theft. Knight, who did not have a permanent address, was released from the Orient Road Jail after posting $6,000 bond.

Man accused of urinating on arresting officer

2008-11-13T18:20:00.002-05:00

SHEBOYGAN, Wis. – A 35-year-old man faces charges after allegedly driving drunk and then urinating in the back of a squad car and on the arresting officer. A criminal complaint said the man was pulled over early Wednesday after an officer saw him driving erratically and striking a pole at a gas station.
The complaint said the man failed field sobriety tests and when he was being taken to the police station, urinated in the back of the squad car and sprayed the officer, hitting him in the back of the head.
The man is facing four felony charges and two misdemeanors. He faces a maximum of 15 years in prison if convicted.
The misdemeanors include a fourth-offense operating while intoxicated.

Man allegedly attacks girlfriend over macaroni

2008-11-12T20:51:00.002-05:00

NORTH PLATTE, Neb. – An unemployed man faces a domestic assault charge after he allegedly attacked his girlfriend last Saturday for making him macaroni for dinner. Investigator Dale Matuszczak said the woman called for help after locking herself in a bathroom.

Matuszczak said she apparently had been hit with a cooking pot, suffering a cut on her nose and bruise on her face.

According to the police report, the man was intoxicated and assaulted the woman when he discovered she made macaroni for his dinner. Food was tossed around the house as he hit the woman with the pot.

The man was arrested and charged with second-degree domestic assault.

Here's an idea JERKY..... Get a job so the bitch can make you something other than macaroni for dinner! Be lucky she didnt serve you cat shit!

Man allegedly steals communion wafers from priest

2008-11-11T19:06:00.005-05:00

JENSEN BEACH, Fla. – Police said they arrested a Connecticut man after he tried to steal communion wafers during a church service. The Martin County Sheriff's Office said 33-year-old John Samuel Ricci, of Canton, *pictured above* was cornered by fellow churchgoers when he grabbed a handful of wafers from the priest during communion services Saturday.

The Stuart News reported that Ricci was being held down by six or seven offended parishioners when deputies arrived at St. Martin de Porres Catholic Church in Jensen Beach. Police say two parishioners, ages 82 and 61, received minor injuries in the scuffle.

Ricci was charged with two counts of simple battery, theft and disruption of a religious assembly. He was being held Tuesday on $2,000 bond at the Martin County Jail.

My question is why steal the wafers? He could have stolen the wine and at least gotten his buzz on real quick before the police came! DUMB ASS!

Cops have tough time finding sober driver for boy

2008-11-10T16:33:00.004-05:00

Talk about a drunk ass hillbilly family! This actually pisses me off! Not one person in the family is responsible enough to know that driving with your kid in the car while intoxicated is a dumb thing to do. The cops should have taken the kid to protective services after the drunk ass father came to pick up the kid. WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??

SCHERERVILLE, Ind. – Indiana state police said that after a mother was arrested for drunken driving, the three relatives who came to pick up her 1-year-old son also had all been drinking.

A state trooper stopped a minivan for speeding early Saturday on U.S. 30 in Schererville in northwestern Indiana. He arrested the 24-year-old woman on a drunken driving charges.

The boy's father arrived later to pick him up, but officers determined he was intoxicated and also arrested him on a drunken driving charge.

Police said the boy's grandparents then arrived. Both of them also had been drinking, state police said, but the grandmother who was driving was not over the legal limit, so officers escorted them home with the child.

9-year-old boy caught driving to grandma's house

2008-11-09T11:46:00.000-05:00

TOKYO (Reuters) – A 9-year-old boy was caught driving his parents' car alone after police received a report about an unmanned vehicle moving down the street.

The boy took the car, which had been parked with the key in the ignition at his family's home in Gifu, central Japan, on Monday to visit his grandmother's house, a police spokesman said.

"I learned from my father's driving and at game arcades," Kyodo News quoted the boy as telling police.

The police received a call from a passer-by who reported having seen a driver-less car running down the street, as the boy was apparently too short to be seen from outside the vehicle, the spokesman said.

The police found the car in a convenience store parking lot, after the pint-sized motorist had lost his way. They warned the boy's parents to keep a closer eye on their car, the spokesman added.

Naked Japan major nabbed with women's underwear

2008-11-08T11:23:00.003-05:00

I am posting 2 news stories today because #1. I have nothing better to do with my time #2. This story is much funnier than the one previously posted.

TOKYO (Reuters) – A male Japanese air force major caught naked while shopping for women's underwear has been suspended from his duties for 10 days, a spokeswoman at his base said on Friday.

The man, on his way home from a late-night farewell party for a colleague in early September, stripped off his clothes behind a convenience store before going in and buying panties and pantyhose.

"He had just his wallet and his shoes on him," said the spokeswoman from the Matsushima air base in Miyagi, northern Japan.

"He thought it would be funny if he went into the store stark naked, that it would surprise people."

There was no one else in the store but the store clerk, who called the police shortly after the man left the store. Papers were filed against him on suspicion of indecent exposure.

The incident follows a series of scandals for Japan's military. The air force's top general was sacked last week for saying Japan was not an aggressor in World War Two, angering China and South Korea where bitter memories remain over Tokyo's past military aggression.

Thieves caught with 12 pigs in car

2008-11-08T10:54:00.003-05:00

BUDAPEST (Reuters) – Two thieves were caught in southern Hungary with 12 pigs stuffed in their small van during a routine traffic check, Hungarian police said on Thursday.

Police stopped two men in a Renault Kangoo near the town of Szigetvar, about 220 km (137 miles) south of Budapest, as they attempted to drive off.

"The pigs weighed about 25-30 kg (55-66 lb) each -- they were really squashed into the car very tightly," a spokesman said.

Police said the pigs came from a nearby farm, where 35 pigs have gone missing in recent days.

Man attempts to pay $32 bar tab with gum wrappers

2008-11-07T11:41:00.002-05:00

LAWTON, Okla. – A 28-year-old man who attempted to pay for his bar tab with gum wrappers was arrested after a scuffle with a police officer on Tuesday night, authorities said. A bartender told police the man was playing pool with an open bottle of beer and spilled some of it on the table. She said he first tried to pay his $32 tab with a credit card, which was declined.

When police arrived and ordered the man to pay his tab, they reported that he began counting out gum wrappers as if they were cash.

The man was detained on a complaint of disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer.

Jogger runs mile with rabid fox locked on her arm

2008-11-06T10:54:00.002-05:00

PRESCOTT, Ariz. – Authorities in Arizona say a jogger attacked by a rabid fox ran a mile with the animal's jaws clamped on her arm and then drove herself to a hospital. The Yavapai County sheriff's office said the woman told deputies she was on a trail near Prescott on Monday when the fox attacked and bit her foot.

She said she grabbed the fox by the neck when it went for her leg but it bit her arm.

The woman wanted the animal tested for rabies so she ran a mile to her car with the fox still biting her arm, then pried it off and tossed it in her trunk and drove to the Prescott hospital.

The sheriff's office says the fox later bit an animal control officer. He and the woman are both receiving rabies vaccinations.

I Voted and I LIKED it!

2008-11-05T07:33:00.005-05:00

I will find a wonkey news story in a minute, so calm your ass down bitches. Before I do that thought I would give you a little insight into my voting experience yesterday.
First of all, I have only voted one time in my life and that was just for the Mayor of our stupid little city. I got tricked into doing that one! I hated it then and swore I would never do it again. I used to be the type of person who thought our votes didn't count anyways. You have all heard about that secret society underground that decides who our leader is going to be right? Yea, sometimes I still wonder about that....

Anyways, I voted for the sake of my 12 year old son. He didn't ask me to do it, he asked me why I was sitting on my ass NOT doing it. He had the day off from school yesterday and when he asked me that, I didn't know what to say to him. I just looked at him and said "You wanna go vote?" I never expected a yes out of him, so when he said yes in my mind I was like "SHIT, I gotta leave the house!" This kid never ceases to amaze me. Hes an honor student but sometimes acts like he should go to one of those "special schools." I didn't try to talk him out of it, I just bit my tongue and put my shoes on. I reminded myself that by getting that "I voted" sticker I could potentially get a free sex toy!!

We arrived at our polling location and the line was a little long, I prepared myself for a million questions from the boy. When we got in line he asked things like "Why are all these people pushing papers in our face?", "Why is this line so frickin long?" I still had plenty of patience left at this point so I answered these questions with a calm tone. They had it set up to where if you lived in a certain area of the city you stood in a specific line. Of course our line was the longest! There went some of my patience....
I think at this point the boy realized he could be doing something more entertaining like collecting moonstones for his online video game characther. But he stood in line patiently waiting, all the while trying to get me to tell everyone in line who I was voting for. I pulled him aside and said "Stop that, dont you know if I told people who I planned on voting for it could cause a riot up in this place?!" His face got white for a second and then he shut his mouth for a few minutes. I think he was stuck in deep thought during those few moments.

When it was finally our turn to get our ballot it was a confusing mess for the boy. He didnt understand why it was so technical. He was like "Dang!, these old ladies are vicious." In my mind I had a fleeting thought of that secret underground society I spoke of earlier.

OK, so I take my ballot over to the little cubicle thingy. I pull it out of the folder and the boy was like "JESUS, thats what you vote on?" I said "yea, its not like on Charlie Brown where you put a name on a piece of paper and put it into a box." Deep thought again from the boy. He watched as I blackened in all the little circles. I didnt vote a straight ticket. He watched as I did this and said "Mom, why are you leaving the president part blank? Isnt that what we are here for?" I didnt respond because I didnt want him to know that I had changed my mind at the last minute. I needed time to make sure my brain was working properly.

You see several weeks ago, the boy and I got into a political discussion about who we wanted to be president. I didnt agree with his choice at that time. I guess you could say I was being close minded that day. While I was filling in my ballot, that discussion him and I had came to mind. I realized at that moment that the boy had a good argument before. He was smarter than I was giving him credit for and it was then I realized I wasnt voting for me.. I was voting for him and his future.
He watched as I flipped the ballot back over and filled in the circle next to the name that he spoke of during our prior argument. The boy again got white, looked up at me and patted me on the back and said "Good choice Mom, I knew you would finally see things my way."
Although I wanted to smack him for being a smart ass, I realized that he was right about alot of things, he is only 12 but wise beyond his years.

We walked out of there with a sense of pride for some strange reason and I said "Son, I voted and I actually LIKED it." His response was "Cool, can we go get something to eat now?"

Free sex toys — and much more — for voting!!!

2008-11-03T09:59:00.005-05:00

OH MY!
"I Voted" stickers, like these being given to early voters in Las Vegas, could be your ticket to free sex toys.

Just when you thought it was safe to focus on the issues in this historic election season, a chain of sex toy shops has joined retailers, restaurateurs and other businesses across the nation in the time-honored tradition of rewarding Americans who go to the polls.

Babeland, with stores in New York, Los Angeles and Seattle, is offering a pair of self-gratifying incentives for voters who present their registration cards, ballot stubs or “word of honor” that they voted next Tuesday.

The rewards are no-so-subtle reminders of this year’s campaign rhetoric. For men, it’s the “Maverick,” a "sleeve" for self-pleasuring. According to a press release, “He’s always there to lend a hand, he works for every man, and he bucks the status quo.” Women can choose the “Silver Bullet” mini-vibrator, which is “a magical solution to difficult problems” and “a great stress-reliever during these troubled economic times!” The promotion lasts through Nov. 11.
Babeland spokeswoman Pamela Doan told msnbc.com in an interview that the promotion is a first for the company, which she describes as “a sex-positive, women-friendly retailer for sex toys and accessories.”

Although the company is relying on press releases and bloggers to get the word out, “We’re expecting a good response,” Doan said. “Both of these toys are very popular. The Maverick retails for $20 and the Silver Bullet retails for $15. It’s a good reward.” Yea I'll say LOL!!!

Other companies are giving out things like free coffee, donuts etc but who cares about that crap when you can get a MAVERICK!! Get out there and VOTE JACKASS!!!

Train toilet drags passenger round the bend

2008-11-03T08:58:00.001-05:00

A Frenchman became trapped while trying to fish his mobile phone out of the toilet on a high-speed train, forcing firefighters to cut through the U-bend to free him, passengers said.

"He came out on a stretcher, with his hand still jammed in the toilet bowl, which they had to saw clean off," said Benoit Gigou, who witnessed Sunday's rescue on board the 4:47 pm (1547 GMT) from La Rochelle to Bordeaux, in western France.

The service was delayed for two hours after the 26-year-old victim, hunting for his lost telephone, fell prey to the powerful suction system which drains the loos on board, the rail network's regional office said.

I guess he didn't have cell phone insurance LOL

Coffee's free, not the pastries

2008-11-02T09:57:00.005-05:00

On weekday mornings, Sgt. Steve Brody of the Morrisville State College University Police often would stop at the local convenience store to buy a newspaper and pick up a free cup of coffee.

The coffee at the Valero Nice N Easy is free to any police officer in uniform.

What wasn't free were the Tastykake pastries that state police now say he helped himself to, often concealing them in the paper or his shirt. He usually helped himself to one, but once took as many as four, according to employee statements to police.

Brody was warned to stop stealing from the Route 20 store several months ago, but continued to take Tastykakes on at least 17 separate occasions since Aug. 18, according to court papers and surveillance videos. Brody, 55, of Morrisville, was ticketed Oct. 17 for petit larceny.

Store clerks first complained about the thefts in March and told their manager, Randy Hobson.

"He was over by the coffee area when I 21 heard this noise of crackling," clerk Jennifer Girard, in police statements, said of a March incident. "Basically I knew it was a wrapper of something. I was able to see Steve take a honey bun, and he put it into his coat pocket."

"I didn't think much of it. It was routine for him to come in and buy a paper, along with getting a coffee. We never charge them for the coffee. Since that time I realized that he never paid for the honey bun," Girard said.

Brody, when confronted by Hobson, denied the thefts, according to court papers. The officer stopped going to the store for about a week after that conversation but then settled back into his old routine. Hobson told police, prompting Valero district managers to install a surveillance camera at the store.

The 21 stolen pastries, priced at $1.29, were valued at more than $29, including tax.

Brody on Wednesday morning declined to comment on the charges. His lawyer, Mike St. Ledger, also declined comment because he hadn't reviewed court papers. Officials at Morrisville State College confirmed Brody is still an employee there, but said the case is a personnel matter and refused further comment.

Pub row erupts after feces found in ice cream

2008-10-30T23:03:00.003-04:00

SYDNEY (Reuters) – A bitter row has broken out between one of Sydney's largest tourist pubs and a family of five who accused chefs of serving human excrement in their gelato after they complained about noise during a football match.

State government food minister Ian Macdonald confirmed on Wednesday that frozen fecal matter had been found in a serving of chocolate gelato offered to placate pub patron Steve Whyte and his wife Jessica, who became "violently ill" after eating it.

"The stench went through my nostrils, I retched and spat it into the napkin," Jessica Whyte told the Daily Telegraph newspaper, recounting what local media are calling "gelati-gate."

The tainted sweet was allegedly served up at the Coogee Bay Hotel, one of Sydney's largest and most popular beachfront hotels, located just a few minutes south of Bondi Beach.

The pub has denied serving excrement to the Whyte's after they complained they were unable to hear a televised football game due to loud music, with both the chef and restaurant manager volunteering for DNA tests to prove their innocence.

Both sides have accused the other of money seeking, with the Whyte's claiming they were offered A$5,000 ($3,240) in hush money by pub General Manager Tony Williams, while they in turn were accused of trying to negotiate up to A$1 million in damages.

The argument over accusations of "kitchen revenge" has shocked Australians, leading into an expected searing, gelato-friendly summer, capturing national headlines for days.

Macdonald said DNA analysis would now be done to determine if the sample was of human or animal origin as police and food authorities investigate the case.

"Obviously, we are keeping an open mind and do not want to pre-empt this investigation in any manner," he said.

The eastern Sydney hotel is standing by staff and on Tuesday said its own lab tests on the chocolate gelato tub had found no evidence of contamination.

Man drives drunk to protest drunk driving charge

2008-10-30T07:03:00.003-04:00

Can you say DUMB ASS?!?!?!

VIENNA (Reuters) – An Austrian man, charged with drink driving, drove to a police station to complain about the charge whilst drunk, officials said on Monday.

The 65-year-old had his driving license and car keys first taken away from him on Sunday after driving while over the alcohol limit in the northern city of Linz.

He then went home, picked up his spare car keys, went back to the abandoned car and drove to police headquarters to explain why he was unhappy with the charge.

"When the driver tried to show police officers what had happened the first time, they detected he was still under the influence of alcohol," police said in a statement. The driver was charged a second time.

Teen gets time for grandma in 'gangster rap' video

2008-10-29T08:31:00.002-04:00

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. – A Florida teenager has been sentenced to 18 months in juvenile detention for coaxing his senile grandmother into holding a gun and threatening to shoot "all the pigs" in a homemade "gangster rap" video.

Eighteen-year-old Michael Alfinez pleaded guilty Tuesday to elder abuse charges. His family has said the case was a misunderstanding. The 85-year-old grandmother can be seen in the video holding a handgun, wearing a black mask and threatening to shoot "all the pigs."

Alfinez was arrested in April after authorities seized the tape during a routine traffic stop. Alfinez and others also could be seen in the video shooting a pistol around town.
Alfinez also pleaded guilty to charges of firing out of a moving vehicle and into a building.

Man pleads guilty in fork, frozen chicken attacks

2008-10-28T07:01:00.006-04:00

JACKSON, Mich. – A man accused of stabbing his mother with a fork and attacking a second woman with 10 pounds of frozen chicken has pleaded guilty to one count of felonious assault. Frederick McKaney, 40, entered the plea Friday in Jackson County Circuit Court. Prosecutors dropped additional assault, larceny and other charges.

Prosecutors said McKaney stabbed his mother with a fork June 23 and later exchanged words with another woman as he rode a stolen bicycle. They said he hit her in the head with a plastic bag of frozen chicken, opening a wound that required five surgical staples to close.
McKaney will be sentenced Dec. 11. He faces up to four years in prison and a $2,000 fine.
A message seeking comment was left for McKaney's attorney on Monday.

Spicy pork sausage found in 'soiled diapers'

2008-10-28T06:57:00.000-04:00

This confuses me LOL

McALLEN, Texas – Customs inspectors scored the makings of a barbecue when a 21-year-old South Texas woman declared several soiled baby diapers at a U.S.-Mexico border crossing.
Suspicious of the chunky diapers, inspectors with U.S. Customs and Border Protection at the international bridge in Hidalgo found several links of spicy pork sausage, or chorizo, inside. The diapers had been folded to look soiled, according to a customs agency statement.
The Mission resident, who was not identified after the Friday night incident, was fined $300 and her chorizo was seized.

Best Comeback of the Year

2008-10-27T08:07:00.002-04:00

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: ' Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes sir, I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes sir.'
Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win!

Man urinates on dog after owner spurns sex

2008-10-25T10:15:00.004-04:00

MANITOWOC, Wis. – A 36-year-old man took revenge on his roommate after she refused to have sex with him by allegedly urinating on her dog, police said. Police said the man was arrested early Thursday morning on tentative charges of criminal damage to property and disorderly conduct related to domestic violence.

According to police reports, the man was drunk when he argued with the woman. After she resisted his advances the man went to the basement where he urinated on her dog and the floor.
Police said the argument continued, and when the woman's sister stood up in defense the man pushed her into a wall. He then allegedly stormed from the home and punched out a window.

Why did he have to pee on the dog? Why didnt he just pee on her? LMAO

Online divorcee jailed after killing virtual hubby

2008-10-24T08:13:00.002-04:00

This is so funny my brain hurts!!

TOKYO: A 43-year-old Japanese woman whose sudden divorce in a virtual game world made her so angry that she killed her online husband's digital persona has been arrested on suspicion of hacking, police said Thursday.

The woman, who is jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data, used his identification and password to log onto popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in mid-May, a police official in northern Sapporo said on condition of anonymity, citing department policy. "I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," the official quoted her as telling investigators and admitting the allegations. The woman had not plotted any revenge in the real world, the official said.

She has not yet been formally charged, but if convicted could face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000. Players in "Maple Story" raise and manipulate digital images called "avatars" that represent themselves, while engaging in relationships, social activities and fighting against monsters and other obstacles.

The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married, and killed the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his beloved online avatar was dead.

No Pants Thursday!

2008-10-23T08:24:00.003-04:00

Man charged with exposing himself to toll worker

SANFORD, Fla. – Authorities say an man driving through a toll plaza exposed himself to a toll worker on two separate occasions. Seminole County deputies said a 39-year-old man was arrested at his home Tuesday morning.

A woman working at the Lake Jesup toll plaza on State Road 417 called the sheriff's office last week to report that a motorist had not been wearing pants when she went to hand him his change. She told deputies the same thing had happened about a week earlier.
The man was charged with two counts of exposure of sexual organs and was later released on $5,000 bail.

UK police find naked burglary suspect in chimney

2008-10-22T12:52:00.002-04:00

LONDON – British police say they found a naked burglary suspect trapped in the chimney of a supermarket in the northern English town of Pemberton. Greater Manchester Police say officers found the 22-year-old man at around 5:30 a.m. (0430 GMT) on Wednesday. The fire service was called to help extricate him.
A spokesman for the police says he "has no idea" how the man got into the chimney. He says that some of the man's clothes may have come off as he struggled to escape.
He spoke on condition of anonymity in line with force policy. Police say the suspect was hospitalized as a precaution but has since been discharged and arrested.

Man nabbed with frozen shrimp bags down his pants

2008-10-20T21:00:00.000-04:00

BRADENTON, Fla. – Authorities said a man tried to steal several bags of frozen shrimp from a supermarket by hiding them down his pants. The Manatee County Sheriff's Office reported that an off-duty detective was shopping at a Sweetbay supermarket Sunday when he noticed what appeared to be a man with groceries stuffed in his pants.

The detective approached the 32-year-old man and ordered him to stop. Authorities said the man then removed several bags of shrimp from his pants and promised to put them back.
When the man fled for the store's exit, the detective tackled and restrained him until patrol deputies arrived. The man was charged with shoplifting, battery on an officer and resisting arrest. He was being held on $2,600 bail.

Alleged burglar dresses as beauty shop owner

2008-10-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

FOLEY, Ala. – Authorities said a 42-year-old man, dressed up like the elderly owner of a Baldwin County beauty parlor and tried to break into her shop so he could look at himself in a mirror. The man was wearing a blond wig when he allegedly attempted to burglarize a shop owned by Rose Stevens, 76. Deputies said the man told them he wanted to sit in the owner's chair and look at himself.

"It gave me a chill when the deputy asked, 'Do you wear flowered smocks?'" said Stevens, owner of A Curl & Style. "I said, 'Yes,' and he said they thought he'd made himself up to look like me."
The man was charged with third-degree burglary, a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison. The man's brother said he has mental problems and is obsessed with dressing like women.

Stevens said she was in bed at 10:30 p.m. Wednesday when she saw car lights flash in front of her beauty shop, which is beside her home. She said she thought the would-be burglar was a woman, but her 17-year-old grandson, who lives with her, said it looked like a man dressed as a woman. Soon the intruder gave up trying to break in, got back in his car and began to drive away. A deputy stopped the car as it was leaving and arrested the man, said Maj. Anthony Lowery, a spokesman for the sheriff's office spokesman.

Police arrest Mich. man for car wash vacuum sex

2008-10-19T11:38:00.000-04:00

There seems to be a lot of stupid things happening in my home state this week LOL!

THOMAS TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash. The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was arrested Thursday in Saginaw County's Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.
Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger says a resident called to report suspicious activity at the car wash about 6:45 a.m. An officer approached on foot and caught the man in the act.
The suspect, whose name wasn't immediately released, is being held in the Saginaw County Jail.

Worker finds grave markers paving Michigan walkway

2008-10-18T09:36:00.000-04:00

ANN ARBOR, Mich. – A worker doing a sewer line replacement at a home made an eerie discovery: Huge slabs of grave markers turned upside down for a front walkway.
Brian Darwin pulled nine of about 60 granite pavers out of the ground Wednesday night. When he flipped one of the 100-pound slabs over a day later, he was stunned. An inscription read: "Beloved Wife, Mother Viola T. Bagnasco, 1901-1969."
Caryl Arnet, owner of monument maker Arnet's Inc., said the markers might have been used as a walkway because they contained misspellings or other errors. She said gravestones sometimes aren't picked up after being ordered. The current homeowner recently moved in. Based on inscriptions, the stones are from the 1960s.

Man shows his political preference with dog feces

2008-10-17T13:42:00.001-04:00

ST. CLOUD, Minn. – A man was ticketed for unlawful dumping after admitting to putting dog feces in his neighbor's truck for political reasons. Police Sgt. Jerry Edblad said a 19-year-old St. Cloud man told police he has found small baggies of dog feces in the back of his pickup truck for the past few weeks. Donald Esmay told KNSI-AM the feces started appearing in his truck right after he put a 2-foot-by-4-foot McCain sign there.

He and his family watched the truck trying to catch the culprit, but didn't have any luck until Wednesday when his mother and brother saw someone from the neighborhood.
They confronted the 45-year-old man, who admitted to it and said it was childish.
When police later spoke with the neighbor, Edblad said he told officers he did it because he "hates McCain." The unlawful dumping ticket comes with a $183 fine.

Family cremated mom on BBQ, kept benefits

2008-10-16T12:12:00.000-04:00

Since it is close to Halloween I decided to add more than the usual "disturbing" news stories.. This one caught my eye this morning and I have to admit I am pretty horrified at the thought of what these people did to this woman. Check this shit out...

CORNING, Calif. - The family of a dead elderly woman cremated her remains on a makeshift barbecue and continued collecting her retirement checks amounting to more than $25,000, authorities in Northern California said. Ramona Allmond's daughter and grandson were arrested Sunday on suspicion of embezzlement, elder abuse and disposing of a body without a permit. Allmond, 84, likely died of natural causes, though investigators were still trying to determine the exact cause of death, said Tehama County sheriff's Capt. Paul Hosler.

Allmond's daughter, Kathleen Allmond, 50, and Allmond's grandson, Tony Ray, 30, told investigators their relative died in December. They left her body on her bedroom floor for a week before cremating the remains in their backyard fire pit, Hosler said. Investigators said the two kept collecting Allmond's monthly retirement checks, amounting to more than $25,000. Sheriff's Detective Richard Knox said they may have been trying to honor Allmond's desire to die at home and be cremated.
The two were arrested after Allmond's son grew suspicious about her whereabouts.
Both were in jail in lieu of bail, with arraignment scheduled for Thursday. The sheriff's department said they do not yet have attorneys.

Man making kebab next to corpse hit by ban

2008-10-15T14:10:00.000-04:00

DISGUSTING NEWS BEWARE!

LONDON (Reuters) - A man discovered making kebabs near a corpse has been banned from managing food businesses and fined 3,800 pounds, Wolverhampton City Council said on Tuesday. Jaswinder Singh, 45, was found by police making kebabs at Pappu Sweet Centre and Catering in Wolverhampton in August in a kitchen where a dead man was lying on a sofa. As well as the corpse, the policeman discovered another man smoking and spitting repeatedly on the floor, while in a room near the kitchen, a defrosting chicken, oozing blood and juices, was covered with flies.

Environmental health officers had visited the shop over a number of months previously where they had warned Singh to improve his food hygiene standards after finding rat droppings as well as a dead rat beneath a pot. "We were called to reports of a sudden death," said West Midlands Police spokeswoman Joanne Hunt. "A post mortem was carried out, but found the death was not suspicious, so the matter was referred to the coroner."

Wolverhampton's city council's chief environmental services officer Nick Edwards said: "The council will not tolerate those who put the public at risk by preparing food in insanitary conditions. "We are pleased that the council's actions have resulted in the courts banning this individual from ever running a food business again." (Reporting by John Joseph; Editing by David Clarke)

Don't eat those nuts, German police warn thieves!!

2008-10-14T13:04:00.000-04:00

BERLIN (Reuters) - Thieves who stole 300 kg (660 lbs) of hazelnuts in Germany have been urgently warned not to eat them. Hamburg police spokesman Holger Vehren said the sacks containing the nuts were full of poisonous hydrogen phosphate gas, used to extend their shelf life. The nuts must first be treated to make them safe for consumption. "We're looking for the perpetrators because they could face a very serious health risk if they eat these hazelnuts," he said. "The gas is even lethal if they inhale it."

Man tries to pay for fast food meal with pot

2008-10-13T19:43:00.001-04:00

YOU CAN PUT YOUR WEEEED IN IT!!

VERO BEACH, Fla. - A McDonald's cashier called 911 after a Vero Beach drive-thru customer allegedly offered to pay for his meal with marijuana. The Indian River County Sheriff's Office said the cashier called Monday with a description of the vehicle the suspect had been riding in.

A deputy spotted the vehicle, found marijuana in the car and arrested its occupant, 27-year-old Shawn Alexander Pannullo. Pannullo was charged with possession of cannabis and posted $500 bail. It was unclear if he had an attorney. A Sheriff's report did not say what the suspect ordered at McDonald's or if he ultimately purchased the meal using something other than marijuana.

New Hampshire pair wins wife-carrying contest

2008-10-13T08:32:00.001-04:00

NEWRY, Maine (AP) — A New Hampshire team that narrowly lost a year ago returned to Sunday River Ski Resort to win the ninth annual North American Wife-Carrying Championship.
Ri Fahnestock and Sarah Silverberg, friends from Dover, N.H., claimed victory Saturday and were awarded Silverberg's weight in beer: five cases.

They also won $610 — five times Silverberg's weight — and qualified for the World Wife-Carrying Championship in Finland. Forty-three teams signed up to run the 278-yard course, which featured a 39-inch-high wooden hurdle, a long pit of waist-deep water, and a mound of earth.

BREAKING NEWS.......

2008-10-13T08:16:00.000-04:00

NEW HAPPY SHIRTS FROM T-SHIRTHELL.COM

I wanted to share with everyone the new 'Happy Shirts' that one of my favorite apparel stores have just released. These are the ones that I purchased! Sends a great message! LOL These would be great to wear on election day, don't ya think? Go to the polls in style...

Now back to the news....

NY election mix-up: 'Osama' on the ballot

2008-10-12T09:19:00.000-04:00

Im sorry, but I think this was an intentional typo! What do you think?

TROY, N.Y. - Who is running for president? In an upstate New York county, hundreds of voters have been sent absentee ballots in which they could vote for "Barack Osama."

The absentee ballots sent to voters in Rensselaer County identified the two presidential candidates as "Barack Osama" and "John McCain." In the United States, the best-known individual named Osama is Osama bin Laden, leader of the al Qaida terrorist group behind the 2001 attacks that destroyed the World Trade Center in New York City. The typographical terror error was first reported by the Times Union of Albany.

The elections office faxed a statement in which the two commissioners, Democrat Edward McDonough and Republican Larry Bugbee, said they regret the error but never acknowledge what the error was. "It's human error, it's very unfortunate, it's an embarrassment to our office, obviously," McDonough said in a later phone interview. "We wish we could turn back the clock, but we can't."

When they discovered the mistake, officials shredded the remaining "Osama" ballots and mailed correct versions to the roughly 300 people who had already received them. McDonough said the "Osama" mistake was made in only one of the 13 ballot versions mailed throughout the county, located east of the state capital of Albany. Voters who received both versions will be allowed to send in either one and have it counted, McDonough said. Obama spokesman Blake Zeff said the campaign is "glad officials are working to correct this error and we assume it won't happen again."

Leaping dolphin knocks woman unconscious in Fla.

2008-10-09T22:43:00.000-04:00

Im gonna kick your ass!!

EDGEWATER, Fla. - A woman was hospitalized in Florida after a dolphin leaped aboard the boat she was in, knocking her unconscious.

The Coast Guard says witnesses called 911 Thursday after seeing the dolphin jump from the Intracoastal Waterway and hit Barbara Howard of Mansfield, Ohio. Howard was sitting in an 18-foot boat with her husband, their daughter and her daughter's boyfriend.

The Howards say the dolphin jumped about six feet high and landed on the bow. They say it slid in their laps and its thrashing tail knocked them to the deck. Their daughter's boyfriend rolled the dolphin back into the water.

Barbara Howard regained consciousness before the Coast Guard reached her at a Edgewater, Fla., boat ramp. She was hospitalized in stable condition.

Angry airline passenger flings foot powder

2008-10-08T14:10:00.000-04:00

I WILL KILL YOU WITH FOOT POWDER!!

BOSTON - Boston police said a passenger who was angry because his flight was delayed tried to get back at the airline by throwing foot powder around the plane. Arthur Nicolson, of Framingham, was arrested Monday after the U.S. Airways flight from Las Vegas landed at Logan International Airport.

The plane's captain told state police that after the plane landed, Nicolson began throwing the white powder and said, "This is what your airline gets for treating me bad."
When state police arrested Nicolson, he allegedly had a 7-ounce container of Dr. Scholl's foot powder.
Nicolson, 42, pleaded not guilty and was released on personal recognizance Tuesday after his arraignment on charges including disorderly conduct and interfering with the operation of an aircraft.
A message left for Nicolson's attorney was not immediately returned Tuesday.

Spermicide Coke, stale chips research wins Ig Nobels

2008-10-07T08:43:00.000-04:00

DONT TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS!!

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A researcher who figured out that Coke explodes sperm and scientists who discovered that people will happily eat stale chips if they crunch loudly enough won alternative "Ig Nobel" prizes Thursday.

Other winners included physicists who found out that anything that can tangle, will tangle and a team of biologists who ascertained that dog fleas jump farther than cat fleas.
The Ig Nobels honor real research, but are meant as a funny alternative to next week's deadly serious Nobel prizes for medicine, chemistry, physics, economics, literature and peace.

Awarded by the editors of the Annals of Improbable Research, a scientific humor magazine, the prizes are based on published research, some intended to be humorous but often not. Usually the "honored" researchers go along with the joke. Deborah Anderson of Boston University Medical Center and colleagues were awarded the chemistry prize for a 1985 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine that found Coca-Cola kills sperm.

She said she was serious in testing the soft drink because women were using it in a douche as a contraceptive and, later, to try to protect themselves from the AIDS virus. "It definitely wouldn't work as a contraceptive because sperm swims so fast," Anderson said. But Coke made with sugar quickly kills sperm, she said, probably because sperm soak it up. "The sperm just kind of explode," she said in a telephone interview. It kills the AIDS virus too, she said.

The Ig Nobel committee made up a "nutrition prize" to go to Massimiliano Zampini of the University of Trento, Italy and Charles Spence of Britain's Oxford University, who tricked people into thinking they were eating fresh potato chips by playing them loud, crunching sounds when they bit one.

Doctor seeks help for Indonesian 'Treeman'

2008-10-05T21:50:00.000-04:00

When dermatologist Anthony Gaspari first saw photos of Dede, the Indonesian fisherman who has come to be known worldwide as "the Treeman," he figured they must be a hoax. The photos are all over the Internet. They show a man in his mid-30s whose skin is covered with bark-like lesions. And instead of fingers or toes, he appears to have roots sprouting from his arms and legs.

But staffers from Discovery Health, the cable channel, assured him Dede was real. Suspecting the man might have a rare pre-cancerous skin condition that Gaspari, chair of dermatology at the University of Maryland, had described in a scientific journal, they invited him to meet Dede.
Intrigued, Gaspari twice has flown nearly 24 hours from Baltimore to Jakarta and then driven three hours to Bandung. From there, it was an hour-long car ride, a half-hour boat ride across a lake and a half-hour hike to get to Dede's rural village. The first trip was in June 2007, the second this past March.

In some ways, it's the modern-day Elephant Man," says Gaspari, referring to the 19th-century deformed Englishman named Joseph Merrick. "On the one hand, you're horrified to see how badly disfigured this individual is. Then on the other hand, how could this happen? There's a curiosity factor."

In person, Gaspari could see that Dede did not have the rare skin disorder that the Disovery Health team had suspected. A molecular analysis of biopsies of the growths on his body found they were caused by the human papillomavirus, or HPV. Some HPV types cause genital warts, some can lead to cervical cancer, but scores of others cause common warts, the harmless little growths that sometimes pop up on the knees, face, fingers or other part of the body that are likely to be injured.

In people with healthy immune systems, common warts eventually clear up on their own. But Gaspari found that Dede has chronically low levels of disease-fighting white blood cells called CD4 cells. Low CD4 counts characterize AIDS, but Dede repeatedly has tested negative for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, Gaspari says. Instead, he says, Dede, who has otherwise been healthy, must have inherited a rare flaw in his immune system.

Distinctive blanket leads to burglary suspects

2008-10-04T20:51:00.000-04:00

CHALMETTE, La. (AP) — Police didn't have to look far to find the stolen possessions of a Louisiana family whose house was burglarized while they were away.

Their distinctive blanket, which had a dog pattern, was hanging in their next door neighbors' window, police said. And the rest of their belongings were not far away — police said the alleged burglars were using the blanket to shield themselves from view.

"This is like something out of World's Stupidest Criminals," St. Bernard Parish Sheriff Jack Stephens said. "But we'll take any help we can get in solving a crime."

Troy Clouatre, 35, and his aunt, Lisa J. Smith, 47, were being held Friday in St. Bernard Parish Prison on charges of simple burglary and possession of more than $5,000 worth of stolen property. Police did not know if they had an attorney.

Good grief! Gigantic gourd goes missing in Mich.

2008-10-03T21:51:00.000-04:00

Finally something stupid happens in the state I live in!!

GRAND BLANC TOWNSHIP, Mich. - A massive pumpkin has gone missing from a front yard of a home in suburban Flint, Mich. — and its owner suspects some mighty strong thieves.

The Flint Journal reports Thursday the 450-pound pumpkin had been on display for only a day at the Grand Blanc Township home of Bill Teer. He spent five months growing the Atlantic Giant.
Teer is offering $200 for the pumpkin's return. He figures someone must have seen it — or at least the small team required to steal the colossal squash.

So hay, theres a reward. Go out and get yourself a giant ass pumpkin culprit!

Can you say DUMBASS???

2008-10-02T08:08:00.000-04:00

MUKWONAGO, Wis. - Police said a man was arrested after he used a cigarette lighter while trying to siphon gasoline from a van. The man, who was visiting friends, went to drive home early Saturday but realized that he didn't have enough gas in his SUV.

Police said the man tried to siphon the gas with help from another woman, but he couldn't see how much gas was in the container, so he used the lighter to check. A blast of fire burned his hands and caused nearby residents to call police.

Police said he and the woman were located later in a store parking lot. He was arrested for theft and negligent use of burning materials. The woman was referred to authorities for being party to theft. Formal charges haven't been filed.

Man faces charges after hugging officer

2008-10-01T07:49:00.000-04:00

I couldnt resist I had to post this today too! Come here and give me a hhuuuugggg!!

IOWA CITY, Iowa (AP) - A hug has landed an Iowa City man in hot water. An Iowa City man who thought a police officer just "needed a hug" faces several charges including assault on a peace officer and public intoxication.Police said a 21-year-old man was arrested on Saturday. According to police records, the man ran up to the officer and stuck out his arms.The officer told him to "get away," but the man didn't take the hint and embraced the officer.When the officer told the man to put his hands behind his head, he refused. He was then handcuffed.

Police say postman was making pot deliveries

2008-10-01T07:44:00.000-04:00

VERNONIA, Ore. (AP) - State and federal authorities have arrested a Vernonia mail carrier, Ronald Richard Berkan, Jr., after his indictment on charges of distributing marijuana, sometimes from his postal delivery truck.

The indictment says Berkan, 46, distributed pound quantities of the drug to underage buyers in the Cedar Mill area of Washington County, a Portland suburb, over a period of years.

Three search warrants were executed, two on residences in the Cedar Mill area and a third at Berkan's home near Vernonia in the Oregon Coast Range of Columbia County where an indoor marijuana-growing operation was found.

Berkan's arrest followed months of investigation by the U.S. Postal Service, Office of the Inspector General and the federal Drug Enforcement Agency, the Washington County Interagency Narcotics Team and the Lake Oswego Police Department.

Berkan was arraigned in federal court Thursday, freed, and ordered to return on Tuesday. Trial was set for May 1.

Yahoo Video I like when he is coming out of court and says "I didnt know what I was doing." Yea cause he was all hopped up on weed! LOL

Tenants: Landlord used dead cats to push us out

2008-09-30T06:02:00.000-04:00

This is utterly disguisting and I cant believe how foul this landlord is.

NEW YORK - Tenants of a Brooklyn building said their landlord came up with a new idea for how to kick them out: Let the smell of the cats out of the bag. Dead cats, that is.

The stench from the carcasses did catch the tenants' attention — but they stayed and sued.

One tenant, Daisy Terry, told a City Hall news conference on Sunday it was so bad she had to hold her nose coming down the stairs.

The building in Brooklyn's Bushwick neighborhood was purchased last year by a company listed in court papers as Heskel. A call to Heskel Properties in Manhattan was not immediately returned.

Terry said the landlord used the dead cats to try to push out rent-stabilized tenants.

Japan holds diaper fashion show for adults

2008-09-29T14:03:00.000-04:00

TOKYO (AP) — One after the other, the models strutted across the stage to bouncy '80s dance tunes, all showing off designs of the same article of clothing — adult diapers.
Japan has one of the world's most rapidly aging societies, and the fashion show Thursday proved the country's diaper producers are intent on keeping the elderly clean and dry.

"Diapers are something that people don't want to look at," said Kiyoko Hamada of the Aging Lifestyle Research Center, a leading organizer of the show.

"But if you make them attractive, then people can learn about them more easily," she said.

Indeed, adult diapers are an increasingly common item in Japan, home to one of the world's longest average lifespans. More than 20% of the population is over 65, and the country is forecast to have the globe's largest number of centenarians — 1 million — by 2050, the U.N. says. That means a booming market for adult diapers.

Man nabbed at airport with 200 birds in bag

2008-09-28T20:26:00.000-04:00

BRASILIA (Reuters) - Brazilian authorities detained a Portuguese man at Sao Paulo's international airport with 200 birds in his bag, police said on Thursday.

Customs officials found 65 of 200 Canary birds dead, the Agriculture Ministry said in a statement. Police will charge the man, who arrived from Peru and resides in Brazil, with animal trafficking, a federal police officer at the airport said.

The remaining live birds will be sent back to Peru by plane, in more humane conditions.

(Reporting by Raymond Colitt, Editing by Sandra Maler)

I just want to know why the hell he had this many damn birds in his bag!!! WTH??

Woman wakes up, should have smelled the coffee

2008-09-28T09:43:00.000-04:00

I wonder if she drank the whole cup?

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - It wasn't just the caffeine that gave an Iowa woman an extra jolt after she had her morning coffee. It was also the bat she found in the filter.

The Iowa Department of Public Health says the woman reported a bat in her house but wasn't too worried about it. She turned on her automatic coffee maker before bedtime and drank her coffee the next morning.

She discovered the bat in the filter when she went to clean it that night. The woman has undergone treatment for possible rabies.

Health officials say that the bat was sent to a lab but that its brain was too cooked by the hot water to determine whether it had rabies.

Run Awwwaaaaayyy!! It's Ninga Cat!!

2008-09-27T22:22:00.000-04:00

If you havent seen this video yet I think now is the time. Enjoy!
*Video may not work well with Firefox, best viewed in IE.*

Ninja Cat @ Yahoo! Video

Hospital tells grandfather, 71, that he's pregnant

2008-09-27T10:24:00.000-04:00

PORTLAND, Ore. - A patient treated for agonizing abdominal pain received this surprising news in the hospital's paperwork: "Based on your visit today, we know you are pregnant." Surprising indeed for 71-year-old John Grady Pippen.

The staff at Curry General Hospital in Gold Beach gave the retired mechanic and logger the ridiculously happy news this month, along with some pain pills.

Hospital administrator William McMillan says an errant keystroke caused the hospital's computer to spit out the wrong discharge instructions for the grandfather.

AMAZING!: Palin carved into Ohio cornfield

2008-09-26T11:03:00.001-04:00

WHITEHOUSE, Ohio - An Ohio farmer would like to invite you to get lost inside the head of Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

A 16-acre corn maze near the town of Whitehouse has been carved in Palin's likeness, complete with her familiar updo hairstyle and eyeglasses.

Farmer Duke Wheeler says that Palin created a lot of excitement in the campaign and that he was hoping to generate some for this year's maze.

Wheeler says it took an artist from Idaho at least eight hours to mow down stalks for the maze.

Man charged after allegedly passing gas toward cop

2008-09-25T09:14:00.000-04:00

UPDATE: CHARGES HAVE BEEN DROPPED ON THE FARTING MAN

SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va. - A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.

He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.

Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.

He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.

Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.

"This is ridiculous," he said. "I could be facing time."

NJ farm flings pumpkins with giant catapult

2008-09-24T09:29:00.000-04:00

Now this looks like something I would get some real joy out of! I assume it would be a great stress reliever imagining that the pumpkin you are hurling into the air is someones head!

NEWTON, N.J. - One New Jersey farm has a special attraction to go with the season's hay rides and corn mazes: giant pumpkin catapult.

A group of middle school students who became obsessed with the medieval weapon asked northern New Jersey farmers Anthony and Heidi Lentini if they could use physics to fling the big orange squash.

The couple, who have corn mazes on their Newton farm to attract customers, agreed.

The half dozen boys, farmers and a technology teacher from Halsted Middle School began work in August and finished building the giant catapult this weekend.

It cost about $1200. The Lentinis paid for construction.

The farmers say the device is up and running and covering the farm with the smashed remains of damaged pumpkins.

Wayward wallaby ditches UK zoo, runs wild..

2008-09-23T07:03:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to point out that after reading this story, I immediately envisioned a wallaby jumping through the streets with a smoke hangin out if its mouth, headed inside of a pub looking to get his drink on. Leave the wallably alone mean ole zookeeper! He just needs some stress relief because hes been dealing with snot faced kids for too long!

LONDON (AP) — Zookeepers and police were chasing reports Monday of a wayward wallaby, spotted days after escaping a children's zoo in western England.
The marsupial went missing sometime Friday night from Cattle Country adventure park in Berkeley, west of London, park manager Ellen Sealey said.

Since then, the wallaby was spotted early Saturday at a nearby hotel, and then Sunday about a half-mile from the park, she said. Both police and the zoo have responded to calls about the escaped marsupial.

"We're just waiting for sightings," Sealey said. "As soon as anyone rings one in, we go out and look. I don't think he's going to be that easy to catch, to be fair."

The wallaby — which looks like a small kangaroo — is more than 2 feet tall and could have scampered through a hole in his enclosure or bounded over the surrounding 8-foot fence, Sealey said.

Some species of wallabies can hop up to three times their height, though Sealey said the fence met required height standards. A second wallaby housed in the same enclosure did not escape, she said.

The missing wallaby, who does not have a name, has always been friendly, and the zoo's main fear was that he would cause a road accident. Police are warning motorists to stay alert.

No wonder he ran away!! The poor thing doesnt even have a name! I would be pissed off and run away too.

PUT SOME CLOTHES ON PEOPLE!!

2008-09-22T17:49:00.000-04:00

What is with people wanting to be naked so much these days???? Click on the video below to watch this freak!

9-1-1 FLOODED WITH CALLS ABOUT NUDE CYCLIST

Illinois woman accused of bartending in the buff

2008-09-22T08:31:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately there is no pic to go with this story but, I bet you can imagine why! LOL

DELHI, Ill. - Here's a tip: Bartending nude can get you arrested.

Sheriff's deputies doing a routine check this week at a southern Illinois bar say they discovered a not-so-routine sight. Authorities allege that 33-year-old Janet Brannon was naked while serving bar patrons at the Cabin Tavern in Delhi (DEL'-ee).

Brannon was arrested and charged with misdemeanor public indecency. She was freed on $8,000 bond.

She was the only bar employee working at the time, so the tavern was closed Thursday.

No telephone listing can be found for Brannon, and the Jersey County sheriff's department doesn't know whether she has an attorney.

City bylaws torpedo pirate ship tree house

2008-09-21T10:34:00.000-04:00

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (AP) — The front yard of a house in a tony British Columbia neighborhood is a little less welcoming for pirates now.
Architect Andrew Dewberry and a crew of friends spent Saturday dismantling the pirate ship tree house he's had in his Vancouver yard for two years. He said he had no choice after a court ordered it to be removed for not complying with city bylaws.

Dewberry had to explain the situation to his sons Jack, 9, and Sam, 7, before the tree house came down. He said, "They've had a lot of joy with the tree fort."

Jack, who stood with a friend and watched the dismantling, said, "We wanted to sleep in it over the summer one time, but we didn't get around to it and now we can't."

In July, the judge in the case admired the workmanship of the ship, complete with plastic cannons, in a perch 6{ feet up a large, leafy tree in front of the family's home. But the judge said its merits were irrelevant to whether the tree house violated city bylaws.

Welcome to Wonkey News

2008-09-21T10:13:00.001-04:00

Hello and good morning! I have been wanting to create a blog about stupid, outrageous things in the news for a while now, but have never really known how. I am currently learning about the world of blogging and so far I have created 2. I have Private EYE which digs into the reality of private investigation work. And I also have Background Check which is similar to my first blog. I figured Wonkey News would be a nice addition to my new addiction. So thank you for stopping by and I hope that you enjoy!